What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 10:48
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My family never makes their pension either.
Comes on , in middle age.
Why do I feel so lazy every time I get into my room?
I said to her
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Are judges being lenient on hard criminals?
But it wasn’t much.
She wouldn,t have been !
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Why are people becoming increasingly hostile to pro-lifers? I am pro-life.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Were you ever in love with your teacher?
What did i know ?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She loved him until the end.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Who then, do I blame.?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I never cut or harmed myself..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
How do I rat my boss out for serial cheating on his wife?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was very sick at this time too.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
If gays can get married, why can't I marry my dog or a cheeseburger?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And i lived it daily.
Why do wives cheat with black guys?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I waited trembling.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im still living with it.
Put me off passion for life!!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I will be 64.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As i do to all so called friends.?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I was 9 years of age.
My life is so biszare .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I don,t even have a pension.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I was scared of men, in general
I couldn’t, believe it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But, we were locked up after school.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I have no regrets .
We all went to grammer schools
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But ive been too sick for many years..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She found it foreign!.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She was in good health!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Ive learnt so much.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
It was going to be , some day.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
(And it was in our own minds.)
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I write beautiful poetry .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was seconnd youngest,
We were not on the streets..
Why did i forgive my father ?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Was to survive, this bastard.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So whats the point in blame.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I think the readers, may guess!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She married twice! .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I could never make a relationship work though!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Would this be the day?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
All the time i was locked up.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
So, i spoilt her more .
One cannot live in the past .
He knew the spot.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
This is soul school!.
When she asked me how she looked .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers